It was like being a rubber band. I had been pulled so hard from both ends, that when there was no more to be stretched, I broke. That’s what happened to me 16 years ago. I was in a tug of war where I struggled with just about everything:
You and me
Right and wrong
Light and dark
Good and evil
Truth and lies
Needs and wants
I was scattered, lost, and out of control, and my balance was being threatened as I lived my life in extremes:
High or low
Fast or slow
Love or hate
All or nothing
Too much or too little
Too early or too late
It was not until I felt and saw the aftermath of this polarized force, that I recognized the need to confront the physical and spiritual choices that had brought me to this breaking point. I was facing the first year anniversary of my divorce, and I was still trying to figure out how to mend my broken heart. Unfortunately, that mending that I was looking for was not going to be found in the way that I was caring for myself. It is an example of one of those extremes where I was eating too little, and consuming too much - the coffee, the champagne, and the cigarettes. And then, in the midst of all the emotional loss I was going through, and the load of responsibility that was sometimes just too heavy to carry, I found myself on a very intense spiritual journey. I was reading my Bible, going to church, and praying, but I wanted more! I wanted and needed God’s healing and power so I went searching for Him in palm readers, psychics, numerology, horoscopes, tarot cards, healing touch, Eastern religion, and the array of New Age charm and attraction - but things did not get any better. In fact, they only got worse. I actually manifested the symptoms of a stroke in response to my anxiety, fear, and confusion – mouth paralysis and slurred speech. I had broken down, mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, and in all honesty, felt like I even was in the process of dying. But, keep in mind I had not been taking very good care of myself.
In the aftermath of this breaking, I gained an understanding of what is meant by the term spiritual warfare. In response to this, I clung to my Bible like I had never done before and Ephesians 6:10-12 became my battle cry. It says, “A final word; be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those might powers of darkness who rule this world, against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms.”
Come back next week to find out how you and I can always have healing and power over being broken.
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