Red Wednesday's Wisdom - Denial

When I am challenged and frustrated by the denial that I consistently see in others, and especially when it has to do with my family, and the friends that I am closest to, I want to shout, “Wake up! The world you are living in is not real!” But through the years, I have come to realize that my shouting and demanding words of exclamation rarely bring someone out of their denial. What I have learned is that it takes tons of love, empathy, patience and understanding to penetrate those walls of denial. It means that I too must come to grips with the denial that has been in my own life so that I can then share and expose the denial that has been so strong in me. Isaiah 53:6 is a constant reminder to me that I am just like you; “We are all lost sheep that have strayed away. We have left God’s paths to follow our own.”

When I span the past 59 years of my life, I see the role that denial has so clearly assumed, and it has been way more prevalent than I would want to admit. I have vivid memories of dressing myself in the attire of denial. The first memory was as a little girl in the third grade! It started by taking what did not belong to me; money from my mother’s wallet, and then going on a shopping spree at the corner 5 and 10 Cent Store. By the time I became a preteen the taking had escalated. No! The more accurate word for taking, would be stealing! OK, yes, I stole a dress that I did not pay for. In the middle of my teen years, the denial was around eating issues, and by the time I turned 16, the denial had to do with my cigarette smoking and being involved with unhealthy relationships. All of this denial got carried with me into my late 30’s and early 40’s. I found myself living in a false reality where I:

Hid from myself and others.
Withdrew from life and chose to live in the darkness.
Lied to myself and others.
Refused to be honest about who I was, what I had done, and what I believed.
Manipulated people and circumstances to make things look “OK.”
Rejected or completely omitted the Truth.
Experienced opposition as a result of maintaining the facade.
Implemented numerous cover ups to “rescue” myself and others.
Felt shame and guilt that came from the continuous masquerade.

When I no longer could put on the show that this role required, I accepted the truth - these different outfits of denial that I had chosen to wear were actually wearing me out. Talk about a build up of clutter within one’s self, and all because of denial! I can honestly say, that regardless of how young or old I have been, denial will always cause me to do what I know not to do, and it will convince me to believe what I know not to believe.

In the last chapter of Ecclesiastes, the author makes a final conclusion about a life that is not centered on God. I think it is a very appropriate verse in respect to denial. It is Ecclesiastes 12:13-14, “Fear God and obey his commands, for this is everyone’s duty. God will judge us for everything we do, including every secret thing, whether good or bad.” I know this Scripture to be true because as God became the center of my life, and I made a conscience choice to follow his commands, the hidden parts of me became exposed to the light, and the darkness faded as the denial lost its power over me.

No one can ever see clearly through the lens of denial. I’d much rather walk through life looking like this......
than like this.......