Confession time: As I have studied, pondered, and written about this idea to forgive, it has been a very heavy and hard subject for me to address, especially in light of what our family is going through. For that reason, I decided to devote my thoughts and feelings to two postings rather than one.
To forgive means that there is a giving up or a letting go of any resentment, or the desire to punish. It is about pardoning, overlooking an offense, or cancelling a debt. Forgiveness is rooted in God. And it is God (not man) who tells me that the only way I can be forgiven is through my acceptance of Jesus Christ. Forgiveness is not about being worthy; especially when I look at it in light of all the wrong and hurt that I have imposed. Forgiveness is about God’s love for me. I may think that I deserve to be resented, punished, condemned, persecuted, and indebted, or put to death. But, no! God tells me that forgiveness is His gift of grace to me, His unmerited favor. There is nothing I can do to earn forgiveness. It is freely offered as a gift that I accept or reject through Jesus Christ. To put it simply; with forgiveness there is acceptance and peace, and without forgiveness there is separation and punishment. Once again, if we go back to the cross, we see this exact scenario being played out with the two criminals who were also being hung along with Jesus, one on each side of Him. Both criminals were dying just like Jesus, but one scoffs at Jesus and the other one proclaims victory through the Savior’s forgiveness. It is powerfully told in Luke 23:12 - 43.
Forgiveness has and always will be about God. God came into this world as a newborn baby boy. His divine purpose was to grow into the man who would die on a cross for all of humanity. He is the Only One who has ever carried my burden of sin in order to forgive me. He stepped into my life and took my place on that cross. He became the object of my resentment, the One who was punished, the One who would not be pardoned. He was treated as though He was the One who had committed all of my offenses and with a debt that could not be cancelled!
Because God is also the God of order, there is order to God’s plan of forgiveness. God’s first step to forgiveness required Jesus going to the cross for me. The second step requires me to admit to my sinful nature and ask Jesus to grant me the forgiveness that He has provided for me through His crucifixion. Jesus paid the penalty for all of my sins, but it is up to me to decide if I want to receive forgiveness. Forgiveness brings me into a relationship with God through Jesus. Through that relationship, God then teaches me how to forgive my self and others. God can never force me to do anything. It is why He gave me a free will. He wants me to choose. Without free will I would be a robot. If I choose to not ask Jesus to forgive me, that is my prerogative. It’s me saying that I like and accept the sin I am living in and where I am at with it. But here is the bottom line; there will never be victory or peace in that kind of thinking.
When I did a word study on “forgive,” I had no idea that I would be revisiting Joseph. You may recall that we talked about Joseph and his many victories a few weeks ago. I was pretty overwhelmed with emotion as I realized that the hand of the Holy Spirit was guiding me back to him. You see, when I originally looked up forgive in the glossary of my Bible and then in my concordance, I had anticipated that the first reference to forgive would be back in the Garden of Eden, following the Fall. Certainly, that is where the act of God’s forgiveness was originally introduced to us, but it is not where the word “forgive” is recorded for the first time in the Bible. It’s actually in the last chapter of Genesis. It reads like this in Genesis 50: 16-17, “So they sent this message to Joseph: “Before your father died, he instructed us to say to you, ‘Please forgive your brothers for the great wrong they did to you - for their sin in treating you so cruelly.’ So we, the servants of the God of your father, beg you to forgive our sin.” So, as I meet up with Joseph and his family once again, here are some things that I have gleaned about forgiveness as I have thought about my own family.
My family has been facing the after math of what has been a huge volcanic eruption of emotions. There have been similar eruptions in the past, but none of this magnitude. And when emotions are not talked about but acted out, like they were with Joseph’s brothers, those pent up emotions eventually spill over into anger, bitterness, and condemnation.
The aftermath from a real volcanic eruption has given me insight into how our family can most effectively respond with forgiveness to this explosive emotional volcano that we have encountered.
- Take time to clear out and clean up what has been affected by the fallen ash. Joseph took much needed time for doing this, and for him it started out by being in a pit. Our family also needs to take time to consider what needs to be cleared out and cleaned in how we relate to one another. We need to ask ourselves if we are committed to relationships that are safe, healthy, and edifying.
- Keep a safe distance while things cool down. Joseph did not reunite with his family for years! There may have to be distancing in our family in order for healing to take place.
- When revisiting a volcano, knowledge is your most important protection. In Joseph’s family, God used a famine to bring the family together. I pray that our family allow God to show us His protective timing (not ours) and use it as the barometer for our being reunited.
- Consult Authorities. Joseph knew all about authority. He knew God and he knew Pharaoh. Joseph became Pharaoh’s right hand man! I pray that our family will be open to the counsel of God’s Holy Spirit and the Godly wisdom of our trusted family and friends.
- Examine our history. Our past experience helps us to decide what has worked and what as not worked. Joseph met one obstacle after another with an attitude of forgiveness, and that consistently brought him victory, because he knew his boundaries. My family is one of the most forgiving families I have ever met. But this time we need to reexamine our boundaries and/or our lack of them and come up with new ones that will ultimately bring harmony.
Here is the one question that each person will ultimately have to answer for himself: Do I accept God, His love, and His forgiveness, or do I reject God, His love, and His forgiveness?
- To forgive is a personal choice. It can never be earned. It is freely given. It brings freedom, and it cleanses.
- Unforgiveness wants to fight, and it brews fear, guilt, and shame. It does not permit a loving relationship to take place.
- Forgiveness frees me from the bondage of constantly reminding my self of how I was abused.
- Unforgiveness keeps me in bondage.
- Forgiveness changes me but not necessarily you.
Joseph’s father and brothers were filled with fear and guilt over their wrongs and
this kept them from seeing Joseph’s actions of forgiveness. Therefore, my
forgiving actions can be misinterpreted by other family members. - Forgiveness does not mean that I am to spend time with someone who is not safe, healthy, or edifying.
In this season of Christmas may we all learn how to forgive through Jesus Christ.
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